Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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