What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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