So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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