R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
