i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
