Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
