matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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