1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
