Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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