The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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