He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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