As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
