sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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