When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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