and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
