my mouth tastes like poor choices
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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