I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
