Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
