Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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