franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
