My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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