the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
