Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
