So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize