Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
