my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
