She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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