That's intense
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
