if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
