I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
