I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Randomize
