I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
