boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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