i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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