4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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