i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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