Its about making memories worth repressing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
