At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
