I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
