Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
