After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
