is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
