highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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