So drunk, too bad you don't want this
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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