i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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