Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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