so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My feet surprised me
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