Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
