I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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