drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize