just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
there's paper in my vomit.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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