Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
