I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
