you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
