Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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