Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize