I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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