I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
