I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
