Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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