I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
