Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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