i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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