Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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