I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
