How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
