you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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