When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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