dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
