I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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