Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
