Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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