At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
