How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize