Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
