ugly people sure do ruin things
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
